Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
