He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
