my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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