I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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