So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
