I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
