i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
