conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
