i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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