you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
