Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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