The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
