I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
