Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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