You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the liver wants what the liver wants
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
