It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
