I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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