I can text with my tongue
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
