i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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