I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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