Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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