i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
