i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
