explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
