I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
