you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
