I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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