I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
BRING THE BAGELS
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
