Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
