Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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