This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
