take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
