she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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