Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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