i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
