I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
