So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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