i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
