So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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