in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
