He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
