I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
