would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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