peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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