I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am naked and annoyed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
