There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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