And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
