you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
