What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
