Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My vagina just clenched in fear
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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