Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
