just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the condom got lost in my hair
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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